The Golden Feet Of Haven

Float away in beauty
To silence filled caves,
Water beyond eye
Lapping at the golden feet of Haven
Paradise alive, unknown
Transparent in feather, fish, foal
Lives living, being beyond, all ever
To be found
And awed

A magical forest of mist and birds,
Flying to the eve
Soaring in their freedom
The canopy holds true,
A bud thirsty for light –
Unfolding
The rich mountains –
The Gods of paradise Solitaire
A temple of Soul

Rays of light sparkle on ripples of pure
Lapping at the golden feet of haven
White powder beneath, made of shells
Soft as dreamers,
Eons of life,
Lost in the space of sand

Suspended in a warp,
Never to transform
The tranquility of raw beauty
Angels take their first breath
Born in timlessness



The Sun lays it’s weary head upon the shores
o’ golden feet of Haven,
To rest and replenish it’s warmth
The moon does delight wandering through
The Guardians of Old,
Tall and unmoved, silent and watchful,
Indulgent Grandfathers

Beyond imagine, mind is concieved here
Find one truth on wings o’ brittle
As a Dragonfly,
Dipping, touching the sacred waters
Of Belief’s House

Your body calls to,
Your spirit yearns be,
Your soul will feel
The once dreamed inner core of life to become,
Here be love,
The womb of God,
In the House of Solitude
At the Golden Feet of Haven.

Shame

And shame turned my head away
And i cowered in a corner
And pity was upon me
As the lowest
As the basest
And the most disgusted
Was i to all else

And shame and i slunk away
We shrunk in this body
Deflated
Lifeless
Barbaric
Cowardly
In this body

We took each other in
And beheaded before me
I did
To save my soul
I sacrificed my life
And traded with the blood

To bed with shame
I undressed
And he laughed at my scars

All Thought

Do all other than it
Pick your dirty nails
Pretend idle boredom
Walk in square roots
But don’t think about it

Do all other than that
Chew your chapped lips
Listen to others conversing
Watch the intercourse
But don’t think about that

Tap, tap, tap
Tap the pen into writing life
It excludes you
It eludes you
Untouchable ice
Desperate in solitary
Unwanted loving iscolation
An ironic conundrum

You find friendship in the pages
You fated yourself to the temple palace
The padded room you are in
Inmate of your own concentration camp
Erosion will fade away to husk
A moth dead
The wind flutters your decaying wings

Laugh away from the anger
That watches you, red
You’ve tamed it to a scream
An explicit dull shriek
The shrill headache hiding just behind the lobotomy
Just that little measure unfelt

The dark glass holds the elixir
The needles of numb
The line of lies
The drink that dulls
All thought
Do all other than think
But don’t think about thought.

I have a feeling the universe is trying to tell me something. Or smack it into my thick head. Or break all the bones around me so that I actually get whatever this mystical all-mother-of-everyone-all-knowing-great-non-god-universe is trying to tell me.

~Lets start at the very beginning~, The Sound Of Music sure had it right! The love of my life, my best friend, my hero, my agitator, my lover, my fighter, my built in dishwasher and my future husband broke his leg about 3 moths ago. I don't know if it's just me and that I'm not all with it upstairs, because sometimes I used to fantasize about getting that phone call. The one that you see in movies where the phone rings and the character answers and you hear "ma'am, this is sergeant O Connor from the state police department" ( you have to imagine the american twang), "Ma'am I'm sorry to inform you that your husband has been in an accident.Blah blah". Its not that I ever wished for that to happen, but I wondered what it would feel like if I ever had to get "The Phone Call". Especially with my love who thinks, subconsciously I'm sure, that he is an indestructable MMA fighting stuntman and that he breaks motorbikes, motorbikes don't break him.

So the dreaded day finally arrives when I recieve "The Phone Call". For the life of me I can't remember who phoned me, she was nice enough to introduce herself though. I was working on one of the hardest jobs I have ever had the pleasure and misfortune of working on.My phone rang and my first thought was to let it ring and I'd call him back later. I answered anyway and hear this very soft spoken voice on the other end. The confusion reigned my brain! As I never doubted that it would be his voice on the other end. I don't remember what she said but all I heard was "Wayne has been in an accident..."(white noise follows) "he has broken his leg" (more white noise). My first thought was that he had broken his bad leg, the one he had 26 operations on after a motorbike accident. He was told if he broke it again it would have to be amputated. For all the thoughts in the world the first one that popped into my head was me marrying Wayne with one leg. Thats ok my head told me. We'll deal with it, because he is the love your life and whats some plastic anyway?? These thoughts lasted a split second. (more white noise) And  then...

Any collaborative or conscious thought, all my sense and demeanor, my heart and soul collapsed around me and I had a panic attack.I couldn't breathe, I was then on the floor and just started silently screaming inside. I lost it. I don't know if all the little pieces that sped away from me have ever really all come back to join me in my insanity. A colleague gave me a lift to the scene of the accident and the first thing I saw was the motorbike. My legs collapsed under me and would not move. I became hysterical. The tow truck drivers (the pox on them), pulled me aside and got me to sign something. This something later cost us R4000. I had dissociated from the situation and all I wanted was to get to Wayne.

For the rest of my life I will never ever forget seeing The love of my life, my best friend, my hero, my agitator, my lover, my fighter, my built in dishwasher and my future husband lying on the road. There was so much blood. All he said to me was "Baby, I broke my leg". Seeing him there in the midst of all the chaos will be branded onto my brain for all of eternity. When you love someone so much, that you'll take their place in death and in pain and without a thought break all your own bones so that they don't have to feel their pain anymore. I will give anything to never have him go through that pain again. It broke me. He broke his leg, but my soul and heart were broken. The motorbike and the car finally broke the man.

The mystical-all-mother-of-everyone-all-knowing-great-non-god-universe really wanted to put us both through a trial. I don't know if we passed because now our animals have taken to breaking themselves too. My delicate, bitchy, petite kitten-cat, Llama broke her tail. Unlike my man's leg it was amputated and she now looks like a deformed dog. That little stump works overtime on those lizzards and you know when she is angry! You can almost feel her whipping you with her phantom tail.

This morning I awake to find our big, oh-so-fluffy, dead-all-around-the-house-in-the-best-spots-for-sleeping, 3/4 lion and 1/4 mancoon teenage kitten is limping. His foot is swollen and sore and we think its broken. (WHAT!!) But alas to my dismay after eating this morning he promptly disappears to terrorise the neighbour's much larger cat. And now I can't find him.

So I'm sure the mystical-all-mother-of-everyone-all-knowing-great-non-god-universe is really trying to tell us something. Or maybe its just me? But I really don't get your drift! Treat me like I'm a non brain and please spell it out for me, write it on my walls or get someone to graffiti it, I'm sure there are a few spirits who are able to use spray paint? Somehow my punctual mind is just not hitting on the full stop. And please stop breaking all the bones around me. Its not fun and I really can't afford any more medical bills.

Love Talia

Warren

Somewhere, somewhere out there, you are there, looking down on me. Laughing, laughing at me. Because I miss you. My body misses you, my mind misses you, my soul... No tears left for you, they dried a long time ago, but my body feels those tears, every moment of every second. Its a physical thing in my chest, it never goes away. Its a void that will never be filled, and only when my time here is done, will I feel your breath on my skin, hear you laugh, and watch you move. Everyday hurts. It tears me apart, little by little, the moments that are lived without you. You've been gone so long, and time is supposed to heal all hurts. But time has failed me.

Somewhere, Somewhere out there, you are there, looking down on me. Reaching out a hand to touch me, your feel is in the wind, its in the silence, its in the laughter of a stranger. You talk to me through the world. But its not enough. It will never be enough. I see you in a man, he turns around and he is not you. I hear you in a voice and my pulse jumps. But its not you. It will never be you. You are in all the moments remembered, the experiences lived. I live for us both. twice as hard, twice as joyful, twice as sad, twice as hurt. The physical pain, helps for me to forget, those few precious moments. I know that you are sitting holding my hand and crying for me. crying with me.

Somewhere, Somewhere out there, you are there, looking down on me. Yet you are gone, for an eternity of time, you have been gone. Lost to me. I am lost without you. Did you ever know how much I loved you? Do you know how much it hurts that you were taken from the world. I cant imagine your last moments. Its too much, too fresh, too violent. Did you scream? Did you see it coming? Were you scared? Im scared for you, because who knows what is there after life? The unknown scares me so. And I miss you, in every moment. If I could give up my life, to be with you, I would in a beat. My heart is nothing without you. It beats only to take me closer to the day when you will look upon me, with those beautiful emerald eyes. Those eyes that looked into my soul. Those eyes that took me to womanhood. Those eyes, full of life. I never got to say goodbye. Im sorry. Im so sorry. Im sorry.

I have loved you since I was a girl, and I will love you as a woman. You will always be mine. And I will always love you. You were taken. Taken too soon. But if there is one gift, its the love that we had. I knew true love with you. And it died with you. I died with you.

Forever a shell
Until you hold me again
And only when my blood is dry
Will you touch me

Time has failed me