I have a feeling the universe is trying to tell me something. Or smack it into my thick head. Or break all the bones around me so that I actually get whatever this mystical all-mother-of-everyone-all-knowing-great-non-god-universe is trying to tell me.

~Lets start at the very beginning~, The Sound Of Music sure had it right! The love of my life, my best friend, my hero, my agitator, my lover, my fighter, my built in dishwasher and my future husband broke his leg about 3 moths ago. I don't know if it's just me and that I'm not all with it upstairs, because sometimes I used to fantasize about getting that phone call. The one that you see in movies where the phone rings and the character answers and you hear "ma'am, this is sergeant O Connor from the state police department" ( you have to imagine the american twang), "Ma'am I'm sorry to inform you that your husband has been in an accident.Blah blah". Its not that I ever wished for that to happen, but I wondered what it would feel like if I ever had to get "The Phone Call". Especially with my love who thinks, subconsciously I'm sure, that he is an indestructable MMA fighting stuntman and that he breaks motorbikes, motorbikes don't break him.

So the dreaded day finally arrives when I recieve "The Phone Call". For the life of me I can't remember who phoned me, she was nice enough to introduce herself though. I was working on one of the hardest jobs I have ever had the pleasure and misfortune of working on.My phone rang and my first thought was to let it ring and I'd call him back later. I answered anyway and hear this very soft spoken voice on the other end. The confusion reigned my brain! As I never doubted that it would be his voice on the other end. I don't remember what she said but all I heard was "Wayne has been in an accident..."(white noise follows) "he has broken his leg" (more white noise). My first thought was that he had broken his bad leg, the one he had 26 operations on after a motorbike accident. He was told if he broke it again it would have to be amputated. For all the thoughts in the world the first one that popped into my head was me marrying Wayne with one leg. Thats ok my head told me. We'll deal with it, because he is the love your life and whats some plastic anyway?? These thoughts lasted a split second. (more white noise) And  then...

Any collaborative or conscious thought, all my sense and demeanor, my heart and soul collapsed around me and I had a panic attack.I couldn't breathe, I was then on the floor and just started silently screaming inside. I lost it. I don't know if all the little pieces that sped away from me have ever really all come back to join me in my insanity. A colleague gave me a lift to the scene of the accident and the first thing I saw was the motorbike. My legs collapsed under me and would not move. I became hysterical. The tow truck drivers (the pox on them), pulled me aside and got me to sign something. This something later cost us R4000. I had dissociated from the situation and all I wanted was to get to Wayne.

For the rest of my life I will never ever forget seeing The love of my life, my best friend, my hero, my agitator, my lover, my fighter, my built in dishwasher and my future husband lying on the road. There was so much blood. All he said to me was "Baby, I broke my leg". Seeing him there in the midst of all the chaos will be branded onto my brain for all of eternity. When you love someone so much, that you'll take their place in death and in pain and without a thought break all your own bones so that they don't have to feel their pain anymore. I will give anything to never have him go through that pain again. It broke me. He broke his leg, but my soul and heart were broken. The motorbike and the car finally broke the man.

The mystical-all-mother-of-everyone-all-knowing-great-non-god-universe really wanted to put us both through a trial. I don't know if we passed because now our animals have taken to breaking themselves too. My delicate, bitchy, petite kitten-cat, Llama broke her tail. Unlike my man's leg it was amputated and she now looks like a deformed dog. That little stump works overtime on those lizzards and you know when she is angry! You can almost feel her whipping you with her phantom tail.

This morning I awake to find our big, oh-so-fluffy, dead-all-around-the-house-in-the-best-spots-for-sleeping, 3/4 lion and 1/4 mancoon teenage kitten is limping. His foot is swollen and sore and we think its broken. (WHAT!!) But alas to my dismay after eating this morning he promptly disappears to terrorise the neighbour's much larger cat. And now I can't find him.

So I'm sure the mystical-all-mother-of-everyone-all-knowing-great-non-god-universe is really trying to tell us something. Or maybe its just me? But I really don't get your drift! Treat me like I'm a non brain and please spell it out for me, write it on my walls or get someone to graffiti it, I'm sure there are a few spirits who are able to use spray paint? Somehow my punctual mind is just not hitting on the full stop. And please stop breaking all the bones around me. Its not fun and I really can't afford any more medical bills.

Love Talia